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Title:night.owls.sb
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night.owls.sb
night.owls.sb
This Night Owl Blog has given so much!
It is a fun place, we don't bash and we have fun being "tedious"!
We offer advice, give love, lots of free food and an open forum which can be about anything that is important, thought provoking or just plain silly.
And sometimes we just March (some to different drummers, but all together). :)
It is not about a single person, it is about all the people on any given day blended together.....Goldie!
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Home
Monday, January 9, 2017
Deaf Italian Bookkeeper
by Dianne
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00
His
bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first
place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not
have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language.
The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the money is!" The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, "Where's the money?"
Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."
The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido's head and says, "Ask him again or I'll kill him!"
The lawyer signs to Guido, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him."
Guido trembles and signs, "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house."
The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"
The lawyer replies, "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."
Don't you just love lawyers?
Posted by
night.owls.sb
at
9:00 AM
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Dianne
Sunday, January 1, 2017
~ Happy New Year ~
Posted by
night.owls.sb
at
12:00 AM
33 comments:
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Tina
Sunday, December 25, 2016
~ Merry Christmas ~
Posted by
night.owls.sb
at
9:00 AM
24 comments:
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Tina
Thursday, December 15, 2016
Good Old Dr. Geezer
by Dianne
An old geezer became very bored in
retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
"Dr.Geezer's clinic. Get your
treatment for $500, if not cured, get back
$1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this
old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a
great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr. Geezer's
clinic.
Dr. Young: "Dr. Geezer, I have lost all
taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine
from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: Aaagh !!
-- "This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got
your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young gets
annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I
cannot remember
anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine
from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Oh,
no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer:
"Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves
angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak
---I can hardly see
anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I
don't have any medicine for that so, Here's your $1000." (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only
$10!
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You
got your vision back!; That will be $500."
Moral of story -- Just because
you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"
Posted by
night.owls.sb
at
9:00 AM
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Dianne
Thursday, December 1, 2016
When I Was A Kid......
by Dianne
When I was
a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how
hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five
miles to school every morning #8230;. Uphill #8230; Barefoot #8230; BOTH
ways #8230;yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember
promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to
lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy
they #8217;ve got it!
But now
that I #8217;m over the ripe old age of forty, I can #8217;t help but look around
and notice the youth of today. You #8217;ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to
my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids
today, you don #8217;t know how good you #8217;ve got it!
1) I mean,
when I was a kid we didn #8217;t have the Internet. If we wanted to know
something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves, in the card
catalog!!
2) There
was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter #8211; with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox,
and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were ten cents!
3) Child
Protective Services didn #8217;t care if our parents beat us. As a matter of
fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass!
Nowhere was safe!
4) There
were no MP3 #8217;s or Torrents or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you
had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!
5) Or you
had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually
talk over the beginning and screw it all up! There were no CD players! We had
tape decks in our car. We #8217;d play our favorite tape and
#8220;eject #8221; it when finished, and then the tape would come undone
rendering it useless.
6) We
didn #8217;t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and
somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that #8217;s it!
7) There
weren #8217;t any cell phones either. If you left the house, you just
didn #8217;t make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch
with your #8220;friends #8221;. OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror #8230; not
being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there was no TEXTING. Yeah, right.
Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.
8) And we
didn #8217;t have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea
who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your
drug dealer, the collection agent #8230; you just didn #8217;t know!!! You had
to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
9) We
didn #8217;t have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with
high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like
#8216;Space Invaders #8217; and #8216;Asteroids #8217;. Your screen guy was a
little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no
multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen.. Forever! And you could
never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster
until you died! Just like LIFE!
10) You
had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were
screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk
over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what #8217;s the
world coming to?!?!
11) There
was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons only on Saturday
morning. Do you hear what I #8217;m saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for
cartoons, you spoiled little rugrats!
12) And we
didn #8217;t have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use
the stove! Imagine that!
13) And
our parents told us to stay outside and play #8230; all day long. Oh, no, no electronics
to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside #8230; you were doing
chores!
And car
seats #8211; oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If
you were lucky, you got the #8220;safety arm #8221; across the chest at the
last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard,
well that was your fault for calling #8220;shot gun #8221; in the first place!
See!
That #8217;s exactly what I #8217;m talking about! You kids today have got it
too easy. You #8217;re spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn #8217;t have lasted five
minutes back in 1970 or any time before!
Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd
Posted by
night.owls.sb
at
9:00 AM
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Dianne
Thursday, November 24, 2016
~ Happy Thanksgiving ~
Posted by
night.owls.sb
at
9:00 AM
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Tina
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Why We Love Kids.....
by Dianne
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom,
that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting
the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the
report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended
her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he
asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he
said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking
in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe
this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad
donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that
suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next
morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the
intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his
5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper
burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting,
then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the
deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said : 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn,
and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my
funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my
time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let
me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam 's
underwear!'
Posted by
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at
9:00 AM
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#9834; #9834; Happy Birthday to you #9834; #9834; #9834; #9834; Happy Birthday to you #9834; #9834; #9834; #9834; Happy Birthday dear #9829; Dianne #9834; #9834; #9834; #9834; Happy Birthday to you #9834; #9834;
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This Night Owl Also Said:
"btw...I may get crossways now and then...but I do love all you people."Michael Lee SloanAugust 14, 1956 - November 3, 2012
About Me
night.owls.sb
This is a place where the night owls comment. After each blog you will see "comments" click and comment as you please. The night owls invite all, so no invitation needed, just join in, however we do have some standards. Owls must be: Cordial, Respectful and Welcoming. If one does not like another, or a hurtful comment was made, please take it up privately, it is not for the nest. If a comment is inappropriate it will be deleted. If your comment is not acknowledged, it is not done on purpose, be patient, as the owls see you!
So I say to you, enjoy this blog, be peaceful dear night owls, as in life peace brings happiness and of course smiles! :O)
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